The Sin of Forsaking Fellowship

As of roughly a year ago, I have quit going to church. Permanently. My reasons aren’t relevant to this post, but it wasn’t a decision that I came by easily or quickly. There were many questions that plagued me throughout the time leading up to my eventual departure, but I wish to inspect one of them in particular: What was I going to do for fellowship?

“Fellowship” is something held in very high regard to Christians. It probably should have been included as the 11th commandment. It goes like this:

“let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some” – Hebrews 10:24-25

Oh, man! I certainly didn’t want to be one of those “SOME people”.

I was troubled: If I were to leave, how would I be able to keep this command? How would I be held accountable in my walk with God? Who was going to be there to correct me when I was out of line? Certainly God, by the Holy Spirit, wouldn’t do this himself! I was terrified that if I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer to this question that I may slip and fall away from the faith. I had heard rumors of Christians that didn’t go to church, though I didn’t really know any of them personally, but I was pretty sure the few I’d met were probably not very serious Christians.

Person after person would plead with me to reconsider. If I had to leave the church I was at, or even take a little break for awhile, then that was partially understandable… so long as I didn’t just give up on church completely. These people were genuinely concerned for me (and still are), and I was genuinely terrified for both myself and my family. The last thing I wanted to do was lead them off a spiritual cliff.

The Edge of the World

Once upon a time, the world was flat. It was full of sea monsters that devoured entire ships that ventured too far, and ships that ventured even further were in an even greater danger; they would fall off the edge of the world.

And so it was with my understanding of Christianity. Attempting to follow Jesus without a Pastor or at least a group of other Christians to keep me in line was almost certain spiritual suicide. I was never to leave the safety of the church’s harbor. Still, I wondered if perhaps there was something else that had become of those ships that fell off the horizon. I had recently been doing a bit of sleuthing of my own, and come across the stories of other ex-church explorers that had not only survived, but kept their faith intact.

And then, one day, I had an epiphany…

I live in a country that permits me the freedom to serve any God I choose in pretty much any way I choose. I can go to a Christian bookstore and buy another Bible for my collection any time I like. I have the freedom to pray in public. I can turn on my radio and listen to Christian-themed music (not usually a fan, actually, but I COULD). I can go online and read the thoughts of an endless sea of Christian authors for free, or watch a favorite preacher on television (again, not usually a fan, but I COULD).

But I compared this to what I know of Christian history in the first century, and continuing even today. People are threatened with violence, but they follow Christ. Their own families turn on them, even seeking to kill them, and still they choose Christ. They are starving, and impoverished, yet still they serve Christ. It seems that in the days of the early church a Christian would be killed, but then two more appear in their place. The Christians, the “little-Christs”, were like an unstoppable force.

And here I was, worried that I couldn’t follow Jesus in an environment where I was completely free to do so. No persecutors, a relatively comfortable lifestyle, a happy and healthy family, and I was scared the sea monsters were going to steal away my faith.

Seriously, what kind of a Christian would that make me?

He’s Either In You, or He’s Not

Imagine somebody told you that he really loved his wife more than anything; that she was the center of his life, his reason for living, and that his marriage was the stuff of fantasy. You ask him, “what’s your secret?”

He tells you all about this club for married men that he goes to every week. In this club all the men talk about how much they love their wives and encourage one another to stay faithful to their wives. He also tells you that whenever someone leaves the club, they end up in divorce. He ashamedly admits that every time he himself lapses in attending to this club, he cheats on his wife.

I don’t know about you, but I’d say this guy doesn’t really love his wife.

But is this how we see our relationship with Jesus? As being wholly dependent on membership to a club responsible for keeping us close to him? I began to see that if I were to stop attending a church service then there were only two possible outcomes. The preferable outcome, of course, would be that I would continue serving him as I always had.

On the other hand, maybe I would in fact cease to follow after him. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that if this were the case, then I really wouldn’t have been “falling away” at all. The harsh truth would be that I had never really loved him in the first place. If I were standing there before God, with NOTHING between us, and I walked the other direction to harlot myself away, then I would be exposed as a liar. What would I say in my defense? That other people weren’t there to push me back toward him against my will?

If this was true, then covering it up with a regular meeting would be the WORST thing I could do! I’d be a liar! Worse, I’d be deceived. Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly won’t draw me closer to the one I claim to love. I realized my weekly meetings may be actually blinding me to my true nature, slowly dulling my senses until I was totally numb to how distant I actually was. If so, I’d be far better off staying at home. At least then I’d have a chance at waking up from the delusion.

Here’s the real question: Who am I when nobody is around? Who am I when nobody is there to “hold me accountable”? This is an important question to explore, because THAT’S the person God sees when he looks at me. He doesn’t care one bit about the carefully curated Sunday image. I may very well be able to fool myself, but he never falls for it.

That One Verse

But still, what about that verse! Remember:

“let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some” – Hebrews 10:24-25

First let me point out that there is way too much made of this verse. I have heard this verse repeated like the chorus of “I Could Sing of Your Love Forever” (maybe that dates me?) You know why it’s repeated so much? Because there really aren’t any other verses to go with it.

One verse.

Not that this makes the verse invalid, but let’s really take a look at it. Temporarily move everything you know about “church” out of your head and look at it with a blank canvas. Now, paint a picture of what it says about HOW we are to meet together. Does your picture include a steeple? A choir? A preacher? If it does, you need to try again. None of that stuff was there. It just says “meet together”, without saying anything about how to do so.

Actually, it doesn’t even say that. It says don’t NEGLECT to meet together. In other words, take advantage of meeting with the believers if you can, but what if you can’t? Were the Apostles in sin when they sat in their jail cells, apart from any fellowship?

This single verse is used as a real guilt trip for those that have, for one reason or another, decided to leave their churches. These people actually tend to guilt themselves, thinking that they are doing something wrong because they’re not obeying a clear command. Despite their best efforts to try and find others in their area with whom they can meet, they are stranded and haven’t made any such connections.

If such is the case, are they NEGLECTING to meet together? It seems to me they are trying, but there’s just nothing to neglect. If the opportunity arose to meet with other believers (apart from all the religious ceremony they’ve decided to leave behind), they would take it. In the meantime, can’t they spend time seeking Jesus on their own without being judged for it?

And besides, is this really even a “command” at all? It seems the author of Hebrews is making more of a suggestion when he uses the phrasing “let us consider”. Furthermore, when taken in context, v.25a is the only portion of the passage that mentions anything about gathering together. It’s really not even part of the bigger point he’s making.

SIDE NOTE: to those that believe a “church” service to be the fulfillment of this supposed command, I would ask that you seriously consider how much fellowship actually occurs during a 90 minute service? With everyone sitting in rows, staring at the back of a sea of heads, and a small handful of people doing all the “ministering” (performing) from a stage, do you really feel this is fellowship?

What is a NEED?

QUESTION: In order to be reconciled to God, I need to have faith in Jesus and (fill in the blank).

Yeah, it’s a trick question. You can’t put “fellowship with other believers” in that blank. In fact, you can’t put anything in that blank. What is it that we NEED in order to be followers of Jesus, other than to follow Jesus? Fellowship with a community of believers is an amazing gift that I should cherish and enjoy when it’s available, and I’d be foolish to NEGLECT it, but it’s not a NEED that will cause me to shrivel up when it’s unavailable.

If my faith relies on something that can be taken away, then I’m relying on things I shouldn’t be relying on. If I’m imprisoned, starving, without a Bible, and without any friends, would I then cease to follow Christ? Even worse, would I blame it on a lack of the things I needed in order to do so? Is it not true that his grace is sufficient for us?

Even among those I’ve met outside of traditional churches, there seems to be this idea that fellowship/community/family/etc is among the most basic necessities of our faith. One of the most common questions I get when people find out I don’t go to church is: “what do you do for fellowship?” It’s spoken of as though it’s water for our soul.

It troubles me that we’ve put this on so high a pedestal. ALL we need is Christ. He is everything. He is our bread, he is our light, he is our portion. If my faith would crumble without fellowship, or a pastor, or even a Bible, then there are idols in my life that I am leaning on instead of Jesus. I need to ask that he take those dependancies away.

But For Those Still Curious…

All that said, I AM personally fortunate enough to be able to gather regularly with some amazing friends. I count this as an enormous blessing; I have spoken to many out-of-church Christians that aren’t so lucky. They desperately long for such a group, but God just hasn’t lined that up for them. These people love the Lord, and have in no sense “fallen away” as a result of being disconnected from local believers.

I remember the time immediately following my own departure from institutionalized Christianity; It was so very bittersweet. I felt God’s hand in a way I never had before as he held me close. In the absence of anything else to lean on, he taught me to lean on him. At the same time, I was very lonely indeed. For a time I was depressed, really. Up to that point, my life had been entirely wrapped up in the church system, so leaving meant I had unfortunately been cut off from almost everyone I knew. It was a confusing season. It was honestly too much to bear at times, but God was there to carry all that I could not.

Eventually God was gracious enough to permit me the company of an incredible family of believing brothers and sisters. They mean so much to me! We get together every week and usually spend anywhere from 6-9 hours together, and sometimes more. These relationships are far richer than anything provided by the comparatively cold meetings of a religious ceremony.

And while I’m grateful that God has allowed me this family, I hold them completely open handedly. They are a treasure, but not a need. God may at any time decide it’s best for them to move along, and best for me to be alone again.

But if this happens, I know that he is still more than enough.